Experiencer makes so much noise all the time and devours all the space of our existence, always telling us, OK I experienced this, now what next, what next, what next?
It starts with boredom. When life, the mundane becomes monotonous. An unexplainable urge for change. Change of place, visiting new vistas, meeting new people, touching new skin, smelling new perfumes, seeing that which haven't been in sight before. Urge driven experience of something new feels pleasurable for some time. But then it's the same again. What happened?
You are crazy!
“You just had a vacation, you just got new love, you just got the car, the mobile, the house you wanted, you just got into your dream job. Now what? Why this silly long face again? Why feeling dull and numb so soon?”
Yes, the people, the society around you calls you crazy initially. Because it seems you never stop running. You are always after one thing after another and it goes on and on. Initially, parents wonder if you are a highly ambitious or a high achiever. By mid-thirties your family thinks of you as a highly ambitious, goal achiever person, an all-rounder, lively person, a successful one. Though no one knows you were running from an emptiness within, you were trying to fill the void within, not even you.
Void Within
Yes, we originally are nothing but Void. Scientists have also proven that the entire Universe comes out of #Void. That Void is the source. You are the source of this entire creation and you go on creating your own stories, personal worlds, personalities not just one but many. The personification of your sensory inputs is no more enjoyable, pleasurable, soothing, relaxing, colourful if the scenery outside doesn't change. Hence the urge arises to change something, to experience something new. You haven't distanced yourself from that False-Self, that personality that you have created, or many of those which you have created. You enjoy as one or other of those personalities. Without any personality, you are dead, you feel lost. Those personalities thrive on sensory inputs and demand for more, for new, hence you keep running. If you sit down quietly with yourself, you can't bear yourself. The inner world of yours is scary, it's a ghost-town, it's muddy, dirty, painful, depressive, unloving. It's a suffering to bear your own inner world. Unconsciously you want to avoid that at all cost. You do not want to be alone, because in alone-ness, in that silence inner world starts to expand, consume you. You become anxious, depressive, you feel lonely. So the first hurdle to cross is that "inner world" of yours. Once that inner world is all seen, suppressed issues all addressed, old wounds all healed, then comes the next hurdle which is that void.
Void Without
“Void is within and without. There is nothing outside it, there is nothing inside it. It's a silence pregnant with the sound of creation.”
A calm inner world gives us strength and fire to face the Void. The state of Emptiness/Shoonya/Void can't be explained in words. You have to experience it to know it.
Kill the Noise
To face the inner world, stop changing your external world, start killing the noise that Experiencer makes. For sometime stop going to places you can avoid, stop meeting people you can live without, stop conforming to your likes and dislikes, stop being your way!That will give you time with yourself. Face yourself with valour, with humbleness, humility and most importantly with love. Love being fabulously faulty, love your mistakes, learn from them, ask forgiveness from all the seen and unseen ones, forgive those you might not ever meet. Face your inner world. Deal with it. Do not forget that only the calm & healed inner world will reveal your true identity to you, will take you to the void.
Jay Shivay!
Prakriti
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