Updated: Jun 17
Non-stop talking really costs some their friendship, loving relationships, jobs and what not? It's difficult not being able to stop, yet know. Learn, how to put a full-stop.
One may be a compulsive non-stop talker already or may be in the process of becoming one. Those who are already there since long, need to read this article many times, until it hits you in the right spot, as at first it may butcher your #ego and you may feel offended.
Know that bitter pills often save your life and this may save you lifetimes.
Yet many of you who get random attacks of "too much talking", know that it happens when you feel nervous/anxious/scared of something. Well, you can gain a lot from this article and can fix yourself now than later when this habit is cemented in you. We all have met such non-stop talkers in our lives. Being with them is #draining. Whatever they talk it's about them mostly, I, me, mine. All their stories are about them in one way or the other. They go endlessly round and round, topic hoping, timeline hoping with no-sense in the end.
If you create a digital visualization video, then an hour of their talking will appear like a time-lapse video of one year of a frog hopping in the forest. They can't bear the silence of a few breaths in between, they will start soon after one or two #breaths at max. They often forget they have already told you that before about 99 times. The content of their talks does not matter at all. They may be talking positively, negatively, hilarious or informative stuff, it doesn't matter. Too much of it is unbearable.
This creates a serious annoyance and dissatisfaction in those around the #compulsive #talkers because one is never able to say what he/she wants. There is no way to have a decent conversation with such people. There is no way to make oneself understood to this talkative person, he/she never stops to listen. One is always busy just listening to the non-stop chatter, mostly useless. It creates a serious communication gap, so much so that one creates distance by heart. It's like one starts living in one's own world about which one seldom gets a chance to speak. In reality, #relationship is truly lost, even if it appears otherwise. Living with such a person is very difficult, almost impossible unless one is successfully able to dodge them often, or take frequent timeouts.
When you drop the bomb
The moment when you try to talk to the Tiger to not devour you. After bearing for so long, thinking thousand times about it, when you drop the bomb, tell such people that they talk too much, or that it's an annoyance for you they immediately go into denial and tries to justify it. You are stating the reality, but to them, it feels like you are criticising or blaming so they immediately wear their mental-armour and become defensive, or many times even offensive for some crazy habit that you may have; counter-attack. Those who have realized that this is their crazy habit and they are helpless, they may accept what you are saying and laugh it out because they don't know what's causing this, and how to stop.
Dear chatty ones, if you are reading this then please know that it is very difficult for a normal person to tell you about your own non-stop talking habit. It is difficult to explain to you the energy drain it causes. It is especially highly difficult to keep on reminding you to talk-less or shut-up. Discussing anything with you seems so pressurising that one often ends up dreaming about duct-taping mouths whomsoever's it might be.
What is the root cause?
Life throws a lot upon you to teach the lessons that you need to learn. When something major and/or drastic happens like "loss of #love, loss of a #loved-one, loss of job, loss of #credibility, loss of old-traditional concepts, some sort of awakening, loss of well-thought plans, #broken/#shattered #dreams" then it demands you learn a life lesson, it demands a permanent change of ideology, mental concepts, lifestyle changes, but at first #emotional acceptability of the change.
Emotional acceptability of change happens only when one has the knowledge of greater principles of life. That nothing happens to punish you. Everything that happens your Soul has asked for it. Everything that happens is for your #SpiritualEvolution, though to the small mind it may feel like pain, curse or bad luck. Whatever is happening or has happened is as per your Karma. You are supposed to learn a #Karmic lesson. Entire Cosmos, everything, every-being is tied to the laws of Karma and its the most perfect design, whether you understand it or not. So, there is no need to fight it, you will remain a loser. There is no need to hold grudges with #God/#Divine/Higher-Power or individuals, not even with yourself. Emotional acceptability requires the surrender of Ego.
Now Ego says "I will not surrender, why should I?" I did nothing to deserve this. I was this, I was that I was so and so and I still am, I am still the same #powerful, #mighty, #royal one, can do whatever I want. Because Ego cannot really see any of your past deeds, past lifetimes, your Karma, intentions/actions of that One Life that you are who keeps on taking different bodies. Ego cannot see all that. Ego cannot see or understand that Karmic lesson you are supposed to learn from the turned-tables. The power of surrender within arises, because as a Soul you know what is right and what is wrong. Now Ego Fears that!
Ego fears that #surrender because some part of the ego will be dissolved, gone through that surrender. Ego starts negating, fighting that fear within. This inner battle causes lots of #restlessness and #anxiety. When one stays long enough in such an anxious state, the anxiety starts manifesting physically. One of the ways that it manifests is #Compulsive/#Unconscious talking. Physical manifestation means Ego has won the battle but is still fighting continuously. Because Soul from within, the Inner Voice within is not going to shut-up, because the Real You is Soul.
What are these compulsive talkers successfully avoiding by talking non-stop?
Listening to their own inner voice. What is that inner voice saying? That inner voice is speaking some truth which is scary to listen to, which is scary to hear & heed to, which is not acceptable to the mind/ego. So keep talking constantly and that way you can avoid listening to yourself, your inner voice.
Now some people acquire this in the present life, while many are born with it, means it happened in their past life and they are carrying it because it became a #Vasana (Chitta-Vritti)/Sanskara/Unconscious Pattern/Engram/Imprint.
New Vasana Creation
The physical manifestation of such inner battle as compulsive talking means a new Vasana (Chitta-Vritti)/Sanskara/Unconscious Pattern/Engram/Imprint has been created - Vasana of Insecurity, Fear of surrender to the Truth, to the Reality the way it is.
Whether you are a born compulsive talker, or you have acquired it in this life, know one very important thing - You have lived way too long with your Ego, you have become your Ego, your Mind, your Thoughts. You have come very far away from your own #Soul. Journey back towards your Soul is going to be a very painful one. You have least amount of Faith in yourself/your Soul/Divine/Higher Power (It's all one and the same thing). Also know that as a reminder you may find some serious spiritual people around you, to remind that it's a high time for you.
Understand that, when one life event's one occurrence cannot teach you the Karmic Lesson you were supposed to learn then similar life event repeats itself. It keeps on repeating until you learn. You end up fighting the same fights, same situations over and over again, lifetimes after lifetimes.
Creation of this Vasana means blockage in #RootChakra, as all fears and insecurities reside in the root chakra. Blockage in root chakra means closed heart chakra too. Such people do not have love within. They always need someone to love them. They are fearful of losing love and loved ones. They will stick to the relationship even if it is abusive. Such people have less or no courage to lead life. Such people live life only from their Ego, which is very small and limited faculty to ever comprehend the grandeur of Life & Cosmos. Ego though will never admit it’s incapacity to do so.
Change/Transformation/Awakening/Losses push you to OPEN your #HeartChakra, but many people instead start fighting it. Then it becomes a life-long fight, a constant moment by moment effort. You talk as you breathe!
What is the fix?
Who is asking? The Compulsive Talker or the one who lives with one? Compulsive talkers have a very-very disturbed mind because due to deep hidden fear & anxiety their mind is constantly chattering even when they are sleeping or are orally quiet. To change the situation, to stop constant talking, Acceptance with Love (not by fearful/forceful surrender) is needed, that removes the blockage from the root chakra, and as a result, heart-chakra opens.
Now when does acceptance with love happens?
Only when one feels secure in one way or the other, means the Vasana of insecurity is gone.
Ego resists the change/transformation that is needed and hence fears, insecurity and anxiety persist. A temporary fix is getting that security from someone outside of you, that you are loved, you are safe, Universe/God/Karma is not punishing you, learn the life lessons as they are being given to you, and finally accept the change/transformation within with love. Some Guru, elder, guide, friend, life-partner or lover can give that security temporarily. But this is not a fix. It won't work for a long time.
Permanent fix is - Transformation of your perception about Life. You have the to learn the basic laws of the Cosmos and Life. You have to know yourself. You have to shed all identities that your ego has created so that you can be empty and love can arise within. That love will give you the power to surrender out of love. Its a surrender of a mother in love for her child. It's a childlike surrender in love for his parents. No one is asking you for a Hitler kind of surrender here. Cosmos, Karmic Laws, Life, God/Divine doesn't need your surrender. All that is needed is your love for yourself. Love that you can feel within, Love that you can express, Love that makes you Courageous. #Love & #Blissful #Silences are one and the same thing.
You know one of the major thing that all Enlightened/Self-Realized ones get to know/see is that the life, the life events, the sequence of events, it was all perfect. The way their life was designed which has led them to Enlightenment is perfect, regardless of how painful or suffering it may have felt. They realize that it was the Ego and all those Identities that it created, they were suffering, crying. Life is not a punishment. The Real You never suffered at all. The soul is forever blissful. So there is no need to be afraid of life. There is nothing to fear. If you are born a compulsive talker then realize that something in your past life has happened which has pushed so much of fear deep inside you. And over the period of time, your ego has wrapped that fear in many nice socially acceptable wrappers. But if you sit in silence for hours, days, weeks and question yourself as to - What am I really so anxious about? Why do I talk compulsively? What is my fear?
After asking such questions stop and wait patiently for the answer to arrive, however long it may take, please do not keep on asking/talking continuously within, else you will miss hearing it. Your mental chatter should stop in order to hear the answer. If you are the one who has to live with a compulsive talker then know that - When you tell a talkative person about all this and the fix, they will go in denial. Why? They are living in denial of their own fear, how can they accept it right away? Their ego and this constant battle with fear have clouded their vision and intellect so much that they won’t even bother to ponder upon this. Because thinking about anything consciously will divert them from that “inner battle with fear, with change”. They have to leave that battleground in order to think, strategize about the battle. And they cannot do it. It’s a big challenge. They persist so much in their battle with fear and change and that way fear and resistance exists.
Telling them, and talking to them about it may not be so helpful. Then what else can be done? How can you help? Heal their Root Chakra where the Fear of Change is locked, where the Vasana of insecurity lives, so heart Chakra will open itself – But they might even resist that saying their heart is already open or whatever nonsense excuse. If healing is not possible through talking or thinking or any other way then they should visit Mount Shasta, California “with an intention to heal their root chakra” which is Earth’s Root Chakra and a Powerful #Healing Mountain.
When they are in acceptance of their own fear & fight then many healing modalities can be tried and applied to them. Acceptance of “what is” is necessary to bring about any change in them. If nothing works then avoid them, dodge them, cut-corner, run away from them, don't drain yourself, you have the right to be you like they are being themselves candidly. This is also not easy to do, if you have to live with them, but is the only possibility that remains after all else you have tried.
The day you are able to hear the Sound of Silence, you will learn to Love!
After doing all that you can do to help a compulsive talker if still, they choose not to help themselves then have #compassion for them (that doesn't mean you bear them) because they have chosen to “live with insecurity” within this perfectly secure Universe.
They have chosen to “love starve” themselves in this abundantly loving Universe. They have chosen to “#suffer”. Let them!